Adjustments:

Custom made.

I haven’t written a post in ages, so sorry about that, it won’t happen again! My brother is now back from America and we’ve been busy. Luckily that means I have plenty of Dave material…


Dave would not be able to be described as a fashionable, if he has nice clothes then they were a present. I gave him a lovely black jumper for Christmas once; it was reasonably pricey, well-fitting and cosy…it lasted two days. The dog ate it. Now we just stick to buying him Toblerone’s, but that in itself causes problems due to weight gain.
The problem is he is impatient and if he purchases some jeans he will not try them on in the shop, he will wait until he gets home and they will inevitably not fit. He will refuse to take them back and just alter them to give him the hillbilly look. For example, if they are too long he will just trim around the bottom of the legs, giving them a frayed look and then the wait begins, as they slowly roll their way up towards his ankles.
Growing up with him as my Dad I have had to forget the embarrassment about being seen out in public with him…although last summer when he custom made some denim shorts by hacking his jeans up that definitely tested me.
Of course he doesn’t just specialise in denim, he also does t-shirts. There was his tie dye shirt and even more unique his ‘tyre’ shirt. He found a spare tyre and rolled it over his t-shirt giving the impression that he had been run over, “I wore it to work a few times, it was very unique”, he informs me with a massive grin on his face. I can only assume that this look was achieved by paint, otherwise that would mean he never washed that shirt…Let’s hope hey?
I just realised that my statement that all his nice clothes were presents is untrue. Once whilst having lunch in Wetherspoons there was a rather fetching man’s coat thrown over the back of his chair. He waited for the duration of his visit and when no one returned he simply put it on and left. Smart and casual.

The other day I was just sitting down minding my own business when Dave walks in and said;

“I looked in the mirror and said out loud ‘people are used to my face"

…I wouldn’t be so sure about that. These are the weird thoughts that we have and choose to keep to ourselves so that people don’t think we are weird. I guess he has nothing to lose; we are already past that stage.

My mum is currently going through a stage of thinking dachshunds are adorable. This includes pausing the television whenever one appears on the screen. It was cute at first but now it is becoming increasingly annoying. Even my birthday card from my parents had Dachshunds on it… Apparently she is going to get one and call him Sidney Sausage dog. Whilst pausing the ‘Mattessons Fridge Raiders’ advert for the hundredth time Dave informed my mum as to why she loves him so much.

“I used to pretend I was a sausage dog when I was younger and I used to sit by the dog repeating the words ‘Sausage can’t open the door’ in a deep voice until my Mum opened it”.

It appears patience must skip a generation…hopefully the same can’t be said for insanity.